Slutty pasta sauce

After all that solipsism, I thought I’d go back to eating, or actually helping you to eat well.

We all know that the Spanish don’t really get pasta, they don’t get the texture…you could say the same for mashed potato, they think both are closer to some sort of puree than they should really be. Non-italian cuisines don’t fully get pasta either…they dont really get that there are reasons for different pasta sizes and shapes and that they go better with the sauce due to their size and shape…which is why you just wouldn’t get spaghetti with ragu sauce…because you eat the spaghetti and you’re left with the lovely lumps of meat and veg from the ragu…which is why you serve it with bigger pasta such as rigatoni or pappardelle.

this sauce doesn’t have particularly large bits in it so I’d suggest spaghetti or bavette

first thing…boil water for your pasta. add a wee but of salt. when it boils add your pastapasta.jpeg


Take a tin of decent tuna (from your press/pantry/cupboard)…I’m not suggesting you just take it from a shop without paying. But whatever gets you through the day and allows you to sleep. Open the tin and pour the olive oil into a pan, add some chopped onion and a tooth of crushed garlic into the pan and let the onion soften on a slow to medium heat. put the tuna from the can in their and continue to fry. add salt and pepper to taste. also a chopped red chili to taste (which, if you’re Spanish means, throw away the chili and dont even bother chopping it. dont buy it either. you can probably avoid the black pepper earlier too, come to think of it). add in some capers and some olives (doesnt matter what colour but I’d suggest without stones). add a squeeze of tomato paste and a glug of white wine.

you’re thinking this “this is just puttanesca, Dave…do you take us for eedjits that cant even make a puttanesca?”…it’s similar yes but bear with me…it’s more of an amateur slut that a full on puta. which is why I call it “slutty”

chop a tomato or two and add them to the sauce. as the wine has cooked off more or less pour in about a glass of the pasta water (the pasta should have almost cooked by now…how long do you need? 8 minutes?)sauce.jpeg

finally, drane the pasta and put the pasta into the sauce and serve. how long did that take? ten minutes?pasandsauce.jpeg

a story…if your a facefriend, you’ve already read it

I wrote this story on facebook, and face friends liked it so I thought I would put it on here…my blog has become far more, or far less depending on how you look at it, than just eating and drinking in madrid on a budget.

So, I’m going to tell you a story. it’s not a pretty story but it’s the only one I’ve got! and you can laugh at me and think I’m a nob. I have no solid media connection with anybody mentioned. and my facebook name isn’t even my real name, so I;m thinking its not going to embarrass anybody other than me (Daze is what my godson calls me cos he cant say Dave…the little idiot)
the start is a bit sad but bear with me, you’ll laugh later….

the context:
I was going out with this lass…wonderful lass and astonishingly beautiful. after about a year together she dumps me…its not you its me, at this point in my life I cant be in a relationship with anyone…nobody has ever heard that before! “with anybody” does mean “you specifically”
I heard, from her directly that she was now back in a relationship with her ex fiancé…who she had left because of his multiple affairs…he had then emptied their joint bank account and left her stranded penniless in a foreign country (Mexico). she managed to get back to madrid and started to get her life back together slowly…then he arrived back, stricken with grief and intent on getting her back, which meant constant phonically and insistence on meeting because ge was so depressed and wanted her back so much. she even cried on my shoulder once due to his constant attempts to get her back. so she was lucky that she met a (not so) handsome (not so English) Englishman (me, you idiot!). she dumped me in march….though possibly was earlier…I;m a bit slow and we didnt see her as she was a bit ill and work and the ex fiancé was taking up a lot of time. so she told me recently that she was now back with the ex fiancé. so…I felt…not so good…this guy treats you like shit and yet you’d rather go out with him than me. thanks.

I honestly don’t have any ill will towards this girl. you cant help someone not liking you as much as you would like them to. she is, though she is in the past so we can use the past  tense, she was…a lovely and loving person. she just made bad decisions…possibly going out with me in the first place was one of them. we’ve all made bad decisions. mine tends to be constantly going out with lasses that really really aren’t for me. ok, by her actions getting back with the fella she is officially an idiot..but most of us are idiots. and its weird that I keep going out with Spanish lasses whose father is a fascist. or are all fathers in Spain far right pieces of shit?

so, I tend to apply SOP_B after a breakup (Standard Operating Procedure for Breakups). Block and delete on phone and social media..try to forget about them, help this by getting back on the horse as soon and as often as possible until that person or those memories that hurt you are distant and innocuous. to help get back on the horse, I use dating apps. hey! they’ve worked before…I was a massive slut before I met the girl I;m talking about. and basically…if you meet someone in reality its just incredible luck that you were in the right place at the right time. I spend my life at work or at home. I don’t meet people at home cos I live alone and that fella I see in the mirror on the odd occasion I shave…well, he’s not my type. and I dont meet people at work…cos I;m not mental. and I dont meet people between work and home because I;m looking where I;m going…I dont want to bump into people or step in shite.

I;m registered on a dating app. I;ve got the search engine set to 35-55 as I’m 47. although I look 46 in the right light. I suddenly get a message from a 27 year old nurse. we have a chat and arrange to meet. maybe I didnt look at the profile because was a bit of a surprise. we meet one Friday night. she’s a fairly good looking lass but tall, almost my hight…with broad shoulders and blimey she can put away the beer. but a really nice girl. date ends earlier than she seemed to want as I was falling asleep…I was up at 06:30 and at work at 07:40 and hadn’t had a siesta. second date was much the same…I felt a bit of a paedo as she was so young and told me her first concert was Britney Spears! but at the end of the date I take her to the station so she can get the metro back to her home in the suburbs. we have a bit of a snog. mouth, tongues, she’s a really good kisser. so next day she has sent me a wink or something on the app and I actually read her profile and right there it says “chica trans de madrid”…so that would explain the broad shoulders and the beer drinking.

the denouement:
now I felt awful. not because I had kissed a trans person…but because I thought she was a really nice girl,,but suddenly I didnt want to see her again. maybe I am a conservative and closed minded piece of shit. but to be honest, I didn’t particularly fancy her and because she didnt have a word of english, after two long dates I was running out of things to talk about easily in Spanish…I have to think what to say and then how to say it…and I;m pretty rubbish with those in English.
What did I do? I partly lied to her. always a good option. I sent her a message saying that she was a wonderful girl and I was really glad I;d met her but that I;d met someone else. the someone else wasnt better in any way but was closer to my age and we had a lot in common and I thought we had a future. she responded well, I;m sure my charms hadn’t made her fall in love with me or anything and she was very nice and said she had enjoyed spending time with me and wished me luck with new girl.
I didnt feel disgusted that I;d kissed someone who was born a bloke. she was a really good kisser and she was attractive as a girl. not like she had a deep voice and I thought she might beat me up
I just felt stupid because its probably the main reason I read the profile….they are almost always the same…love life, love laughing, travel, travel, travel, I;m so happy, no ONS, love life….but I;ve already swiped left when they write “chica tran” before my brain decodes that they had written “china tranquil”
and the trans thing…its still leaves out a bit of information…if your trans it means you live your life in the gender you weren’t assigned at birth…so you have no idea what is going on down there until you come across it…so to speak. I’m not penis-phobic…but I dont really want to have much to do with one that isn’t mine.

so thats my story. I suppose the moral is to read profiles a bit more carefully. I told the woman I;m spending the day with on Saturday the story…and she laughed…but I asked her to wear a skirt rather than jeans or trousers just so it will be more obvious if she has a cock.


see the pic above…you’d never know she was born a boy